Thursday, October 4, 2012

8/6/12 (6-7 weeks)

8/6/12 I have been feeling so crappy that I haven’t had time to jot down these entries. I have had more bleeding, another visit to the ER, another OB Dr.s appt. and my gallbladder appt. since the last entry. My gallbladder and surrounding organs look fine and they are chalking up the digestive issues to hormones. My visit to the ER was a week and a half ago. I was 6 weeks and I think 4 or 5 days, on July 25th. My husband and I were getting ready for bed and I felt like I had some really awful gas pains in my belly. As I was lying in bed reading I felt a sudden gush. I was terrified and hurried to the bathroom to discover that I was indeed bleeding like I feared. As I was dripping blood (TMI sorry) all I could think was that it was over, that I was losing the baby. I told hubby that I was bleeding and thought I was having a miscarriage. (Being overseas you have to call Tricare anytime you go to the hospital for paperwork and coverage reasons.) So it was about a half an hour before we finally left for the ER. They told us that we couldn’t go to St. Elizabeth’s where Dr. H (my Dr.) works, but that we had to go to the Schwetzigen hospital. One of my husband’s co-workers came over to watch our 5 year old son while he was asleep since it was 9:30 at night. When we got to the hospital we checked in at the ER and they sent us up to the OB/GYN floor where the DR met us. She was very young, but very nice. She did a pelvic exam and a sonogram and said things didn’t look good. She said the gestational sac looked abnormal (not perfectly circular) and she couldn’t see a heartbeat (at 6 weeks sometimes a heartbeat is not seen and things are fine). My husband and I thought we could see the heartbeat, but we are no Dr’s! She took some blood to run some tests and decided to keep me overnight for observation. She was convinced as I was that I was miscarrying. She even went over the D & C procedure with me, had me sign the consent in case things started getting worse. She also gave me a progesterone suppository for good measure. The plan was to do a repeat ultrasound in the morning and look for a heartbeat. I hardly slept at all that night. I had to share a room with an old German lady. It was not fun and I will spare you the gross details. At 7:45 the next morning they came and took me for the sonogram. My husband had not made it to the hospital yet. My bleeding had stopped during the night. They were using a more advanced machine on me and a sonogram tech instead of last night's Dr. Immediately the little shrimp showed on the screen with a heartbeat! I was so shocked and stunned. Happy of course! The tech said everything looks great, have a great pregnancy! So I left feeling relieved even though I had no idea and no answer as o what the bleeding was from.

Fast forward a week and on august 3rd at 7 weeks and 6 days I took my son to school that morning and felt some lower stomach pains. Nothing unusual for me at this point! By the time I got home I was definitely cramping and went straight to the bathroom to discover that I had bled through my underwear and shorts. Not again! I was so worried because this time I was having cramping and last time I did not. Since it was daytime hours I called the OB office and they squeezed me in right away. Thank goodness. My husband was home and went with me since he was on nights for work, he said I seemed much more worried while we waiting this time. I was. Went back for the sonogram and immediately we saw a little bean with a beautiful heartbeat! This time you could even see the 4 chambers of the heart pumping. One of the best sights you can ever see. The Dr. (not Dr. H) poked around for a while and said “aha, a blood clot”. My heart sank. From the research I had done about my unexplained bleeding I knew it meant a hematoma. And her next words were “you have a hematoma”. She explained to us that it’s not good news and it’s not bad news. She went on to say that if the pregnancy was meant to be I could trip and fall, bungee jump and the pregnancy would stay. But if it’s not meant to be then there is nothing to do to prevent a spontaneous abortion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby, it will not be deformed or have brain damage from this, there will be no ill effects from the hematoma if the body naturally absorbs it like it should. So she put me on progesterone to keep the uterus relaxed and hormones up and we are going to do weekly appointments until things seem to be resolving or we have a better idea of what is going to happen. To better explain a hematoma it is basically a blood clot or hemorrhage in the uterine wall. It can be between the placenta and the uterus, it can be on the edge of the placenta, or it can be just affecting the uterus and not be touching the placenta. This poses a risk to the growing baby because blood irritates the uterus and causes it to cramp down, so this is one of the reasons why it can lead to a miscarriage. It can also cause the placenta to tear away from the uterus either a little or completely. If it is early and partial, the placenta usually fixes itself, if it is later in the pregnancy it can cause preterm labor or placenta abruption. This condition is said to only affect about 1.7% of pregnancies according to one study. However it is one of those conditions they just don’t know that much about, there is very little research and variety to the treatment. There is also a 30% chance of premature birth with this condition. I am already at a higher than normal risk for premature birth,this because of my PCOS and because with my son I went into labor the first time at 32 weeks. Luckily they stopped it and I went on to carry him until 37 weeks and 5 days which is considered full term. So now I am stuck in a wait and see situation. I joined an online support group for hematomas and I am hoping that the clot/bleed resolves on its own because after reading several women’s stories, this may not be the end to my scary bleeding episodes. Most resolve by about 20 weeks, and the earlier it is detected the better your odds are. However it’s still scary. Some women have needed blood transfusions from the amount of blood lost, many have large blood clots and some bleed their entire pregnancy. There is also an increased risk of hemmorhage after delivery. I have been on the progesterone for 4 days now, and it sucks so bad, I hate it. It makes me very dizzy, light headed and tired. I feel like a zombie. My stomach issues just won’t seem to go away, my intestines are always causing me pain. But at least I have what I would consider a normal pregnancy as far as morning sickness goes and not the hyperemesis I had with my son. But the stomach pains are just so awful, and seem to be 24/7. And then of course if I’m too active my uterus gets achy. So I’ve been pretty bed bound. I was so hoping this pregnancy wouldn’t lay me up in bed, and it would be “normal”. Guess not! I also feel constantly hungry like there is a hole being burned into my stomach.

Ok enough griping. Tomorrow is another appt. I’m hoping they can tell me a little more info about the clot since I now know more about them. I want to know where it’s located and how big it is. I’m also hoping they will give me a sonogram picture since the only one I have is the dot picture from 5 weeks. Or I will ask them if I can take a picture with my ipod. Initially before finding out about the hematoma I had planned on asking to make a little video if we saw the heartbeat first. Now I’m scared to. I’m scared that if this baby doesn’t make it I will have this sad reminder. I feel like a lot of my joy has been taken away from me and been replaced with hesitation, doubt and fear. I’m scared to take the tags of the maternity clothes I bought; I’m scared to buy anything. I’m scared to even tell anyone I’m pregnant! This is hard for me because I’m such an open book kind of person. So for now I pray. I visualize the clot disappearing. I am a part of a support group for women with hematomas. I lay around feeling miserable hoping that it will all turn out the way it is supposed to. This baby is loved plenty here on Earth which is where I want it to be, but should it go to heaven and become one of God’s beautiful angels I know that my grandma, grandpa and cousins will be there with open arms to welcome this angel and will love this baby just as much as we would….

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