19 weeks and 6 days

So I realized I never updated from my last appt (17 week appt)! oops! The appt was quick and everything was great. The Dr. checked my cervix and it was closed, fundus was where it should be and the heartbeat sounded great on doppler. I was hoping for an ultrasound because I had spotted/bled for so long after the last big bleed at nearly 14 weeks. It had stopped of course the day before the appt. We are still doing the magnesium supplements.

Next appt is in 1 week, it should have been this week but their office was closed all week. I will get an ultrasound at this appt, it is one of the bigger ultrasounds because they do an antaomy scan so it will be so nice to get a good long look at baby and confirm if it's a boy!! :) Sadly my husband can't go with me to the appt due to work, he has to go out of town :( I was hoping to record the ultrasound again for all my family in the states, but oh well! My mom tried to convince me to take my husband's giant tripod with me to the Dr's office! She's crazy (in a good way).

I can't believe that tomorrow I will be at the halfway mark! One of my many milestones that I never thought I would reach! Sometimes it is so sureal looking back and remembering how hopeless I felt sometimes that this pregnancy would ever truly make it. I feel much much better about the hematoma itself now, but my fears now stem from the fear of going into labor early. I already had higher than normal risk of going into labor early because of going into labor with my son at 32 weeks, even though they stopped it. Now that I have had the hematoma that increases my risks as well. I try not to worry because it's not healthy for me or the baby, but  I know the risks and the complications. My next milestone is 24 weeks which is considered "viability". It's the point at which Dr's will try to stop labor and if the baby is born early it will still have a chance of survival. I thank God every day for another day to love this little one and can't wait until the day I hold the baby in my arms, healthy and happy!
 

 a little video of the crazy little one rolling and kicking in my belly!
 

15-16 week musings

9/24/12

(15 weeks and 2 days)I have decided to go back on the Zofran here and there if not every day. The nausea and vomiting is just too intolerable. I’m hoping if I can try to not take it every day I will not get as constipated as last time. I have been very depressed this past week and I know a lot of it stems from the poor quality of life I’m currently experiencing being stuck in bed and puking all the time. Also I’m going to have to be more active at least the next two weeks because my husband is working days again which means I will have to drop my son off for school every morning and pick him up from the bus stop (which is a couple blocks to walk to), make dinner, and bring my son to soccer practice on Mondays and Wednesdays. Before my dear hubby was doing literally everything, I haven’t been cooking, cleaning or doing anything except bringing my son to school in the mornings and doing anything I can when I’m not nauseous or bleeding. I am hoping that this isn’t going to be too much activity and will cause another bleed (even though I’m still spotting). I am going to have to remind myself to rest during the day, but it’s difficult because all I want to do is break the chains of being confined to bed.

 

 

10/4/12

16 weeks and 5 days

It’s been 3 weeks since my big bleed. I’m still spotting which is just annoying, but I’m feeling really good! The nausea and vomiting has finally subsided! Thank the lord! I usually get sick once or twice a day, usually in the morning and not every day. I've been taking the zofran only every once in awhile and my digestion has seemed to normalize besides being hungry a lot and craving pickles so much I have resorted to drinking the pickle juice. Such a relief to not be as sick! I have been being relatively active, although I am still taking it easy and spend a few hours in bed in the mornings after taking my son to school and doing some chores. I am just feeling so good I wanted to jot it down and remember it! I have started to feel small baby movements, which is exciting. I thought I had been feeling them, but it’s hard to differentiate between baby and my crazy digestive system! Now I'm sure it's baby. My belly is getting bigger too and there are only 2 pairs of normal pants I can wear now, shirts are getting too short, let’s not even talk about bras! I’ve added almost 2 inches to both my belly and my bust! I don’t think I look pregnant to strangers or people who don’t know though. I of course feel huge. I think I’ve finally gained some lbs back, but we don’t have a scale so I will have to wait until Tuesday for my appointment. I’m hoping Dr. H will do an ultrasound to check for the hematoma since I have still been spotting, but I don’t think he will. Five more days till my appointment.

Scary bleed 13 weeks

9/17/12

We had another serious bleeding scare today (13 weeks and 2 days), probably the scariest one yet. I was eating lunch when I felt a gush. I ran to the bathroom and was just dripping blood like a facet. (sorry told ya I don’t hold back). It was bad enough that it freaked hubby out quite a bit, he was in the bathroom and witnessed it. Due to the large amount of blood I lost/was losing and a large size gallball-baseball size clot (my first clot) we went and got checked out by Dr.H.  The baby looked great, was active and his heartrate was perfect. Dr. H could not find the source of the bleeding. He has put me on some magnesium (oxide-a dietary supplement) to keep the uterus relaxed and I am back on bed rest. Yipee! :( The placenta looked good and does not seem to be covering the cervix, which can sometimes cause bleeding like this. Sometimes these hematomas can "hide" and can't be seen on the ultrasound. There are other causes for bleeding, but it doesn't seem to be any of them. Sometimes women bleed and they don't know why. So the most important thing for me to do is rest since blood is an irritant to the uterus... Either way knowing the why of the bleeding isn’t really important in a way because it doesn’t change the treatment. I have also been having a rough time with the vomiting and vomited a tiny bit of blood last night. Sometimes this happens with ladies with hyperemesis (excessive puking) and it's just another thing to keep an eye on. (It comes from the esophagus becoming irritated by the acids). My next appt is october 9th.

13 weeks

9/11/12

I’ve had a little bit of spotting here and there, but no major bleeding. We had our 13 week appt today and got to see lots of baby because they checked the baby's anatomy. We got to do our first abdominal ultrasound, which felt silly because I just didn’t feel big enough for it to show really well, but it did! The baby was still very active and we took a few short videos which I put on youtube. http://youtu.be/jMtzwTi6kQI

You can see a profile now because the bones are all hardening, including the nasal bones. We also found out that the baby is probably a boy!! I have been thinking it was a boy and everyone kept saying girl! We don't mind another boy and didn't really have a preference. My son was very adamant in the beginning that it be a girl, but we have been telling him for awhile that it might be a boy so when we told him today he was ok with it, I think he was excited just to know what to expect! Of course when I asked him what were we going to name the baby now he said "Crystal" when I told him that that is more of a girl's name he said with attitude: "fine, Fancy Crystal" LOL!! Not sure where he comes up with these, of course he does love crystals! The baby looks perfect as usual and the hematoma appears to be completely gone. Great news, but I know they can come back and or hide so I am not holding my breath! Also just last friday and into the weekend I had a very mild bleeding episode, so It makes me think it may still be there. Sometimes they can hide behind the placenta. I am still having really bad morning sickness, but I took myself off the zofran because it didn't seem to be helping and it was making me severely constipated. I still haven’t gained any weight and have lost a total of 8-10lbs since being pregnant (I didn’t really need to lose any weight). I have also been having some back, hip and knee pain on one side, I'm not sure if it's the sciatica or not.... The joys of being pregnant.

 profile

hand near the face

 

more bleeding @ 11 weeks

8/28/12

Another bleeding episode (11 weeks and 4 days), which means I went to see Dr. H today. Baby looks fabulous, and is one ACTIVE lil bean!! Like whoa active, makes me nervous! LOL I guess when you are a fighter ya gotta do karate in the womb! (according to my son anyways!) Hematoma is even smaller than last week praise the lord! Dr. H says I don't need to come in when I bleed now unless it's a major bleed or major cramping. Wahoo. Also still discontinuing the progesterone, he says after 11/12 weeks it doesn't really benefit the bleeding. There are mixed opinions on that, but I would actually rather be off it anyways. Baby's heartbeat was great. Nausea and puking is still present and kicking my butt. That's about it. Next appt is sept 11th.

(After this visit I announced on fb that I was preggo. I was feeling very positive that the hematoma was disappearing, the baby was well and very active which Dr. H assured me was a very reassuring sign. Everyone was full of congrats and very happy for us. I left out that I have complications, it is just too personal and too hard to explain in a short sentence everything that is occurring. I came to terms with the fact that if this baby doesn’t make it, then I will be ok. That I can tell people to please not to tell me they’re sorry and what not if that is what I am feeling. There was a song that one of the ladies posted on my support board that a Christian father wrote for his son who was born with a genetic heart disorder called hypoplastic left heart. The song is about how he will give his everything and all his love to his son no matter what the Dr’s said. The song really says everything I have been feeling. The song is called “all of me” by Matt Hammitt and here is the link for youtube: http://youtu.be/KnlT5FV6Jwg )

10 weeks

8/21/12

Today's appt went really well! I am 10 weeks and a couple days. Hematoma is almost gone! There is a small portion near the top, but it is grey which means it is in the healing process. Baby measured right on target and nucal test came back normal. Dr. H said the heartbeat was fast, strong and perfect, he said everything looked perfect. He was very happy the hematoma was nearly gone. The baby was moving like crazy, arms, legs and head were going every which way, popping like popcorn in there! My son thought it was funny and the baby looked like it was doing karate. (heaven help me!) Dr. H said to take the progesterone for only one more week and then stop it. I'm hoping that will help decrease my nausea and vomiting! I'm taking the zofran twice a day and still puking most days. Dr. H said there really isn't anything else I can do for the nausea, but hopefully it will decrease in the next few weeks as I get to the third month. I also seem to not poop anymore and am having to take the milk of mag every 5-6 days in order to go # 2. Constipation is very painful by the way if you have never experienced it! Next appt isn't for three weeks.

 

8 weeks

8/10/12 I need to jot down what happened at my last Dr’s appt, but I’m not going to. I’m venting. I’m tired. Physically and emotionally. My house has dust bunny’s and needs a good dusting/vacuuming, and I leave a trail of half empty water glasses and food where ever I go. I have been puking 2-5 times a day and my stomach has been in constant pain since last night. I had difficulty sleeping from it. It feels like rocks are trying to move through my belly. All I can do is lie in bed and barely feed myself. I hate this.

A little pooch

 

8/15/12 Not sure if that last entry will make it to the blog simply because it is depressing. But it is real, and it was what I was feeling. Last week’s appt on 8/7/12 (8 weeks) went good. I mean the news wasn’t the greatest, but I still left feeling renewed because I had seen my little peanut, I got to see it move it’s head and an arm! It’s so funny how I’ve seen the baby grow from a little dot to now having arms and legs! It sounds queer to say all excited “my baby has appendages now!”

 

At the appt I got to see Dr. H which was nice because I hadn’t seen him since week 5!  We spent a few minutes in his office catching up on everything that had happened since week 5 and then went in for the ultrasound. At the time it had only been a few days since my last bleed, so of course the first thing we saw was the hematoma. It was pooled above my cervix and under the baby, then all the way up the side of the baby and a little over the top. I don’t think he could have measured the length, it was long and the hematoma was almost the size of the whole gestational sac. At it’s widest it measure 1.3X1.8 cm. But the size isn’t supposed to matter, it’s supposed to be the location. So naturally I asked if it was behind the placenta (the worst case scenario because it can, can (not will), lead to loss of the baby from lack of blood supply or the placenta being torn away from the uterus). Dr. H said yes it was behind the placenta, but when I looked at the sonogram it seems like the placenta is in the upper right and the hematoma in the upper left. But I’m not a sonographer and I know it can be very hard to distinguish at this early stage where it is located without using the blood flow thingy, which he didn’t use. The baby measured perfect almost to the day and as I mentioned before. It moved it’s over proportioned head and it’s little arm. The heartbeat was 155 bpm. Dr. H decided to decrease my progesterone to just at night because it was making me very loopy and dizzy during the day. I had also lost more weight. Initially they had talked about seeing me every week, but since my bleeding episodes only seemed to last a few hours the last 2 times he decided to just see me in 2 weeks like he normally would at 10 weeks.

In the days that followed the appt I was absolutely miserable. All I could manage to do was lie in bed all day, puking 2-3 times a day, barely eating, nauseous all day, stomach pains all day. And then I got constipated for 6 days. Finally I couldn’t take anymore and broke down and went to the clinic onbase. I really didn’t know if I needed to go there or to Dr. H’s, but I figured I would have more luck getting the Zofran onbase. They gave me a prescription and recommended milk of magnesia to help unclog things. I ended up giving myself diarrhea and puking with the milk of mag, but it did work! The Zofran helps a lot and I am feeling better. Still not myself and my stomach is absolutely insane! I have a loud stomach anyways, but now it’s just crazy loud!! I still am having some pains in my stomach, but I’m hoping they will slowly dissipate in the next few weeks as I near the 12 week mark and get out of the first trimester. I’m still kind of undecided about whether to tell the entire world about being preggo at week 12. It’s like on the one hand it gives me freedom to say what I want on my fb page, but then at the same time if I lose the baby it’s that many people I have to tell, then many sorry’s I have to face. My mom tried to make it positive and say it would be tremendous support and though it would be, I think it would also be very difficult. But then do I really wait until viability at 24 weeks to tell everyone? It feels kind of betraying in a way. I’m so excited and want to share my news with everyone, but it scares me. For now I’m just telling myself that there are 2 more sonograms until I decide what to do and hopefully it will show the clot absorbing. Our next sonogram is less than a week away and I just can’t wait. I thought about asking Dr. H if we can make a small video of the sonogram once we see everything is ok with baby. I’m just not sure if I want to, again the fears of what ifs. Maybe it would be something I would cherish if something does happen instead of a negative thing.